It was these next months that made me hard, I realise this now.
The army made me tough, it made me a man, it taught me pain it taught me about death, but being in the Ops room made me cold, it hardened my heart.
It was there and then that the real ideological change in my mind was formed. 121 Battalion was just plain combat training, the enemy was clear the objective obvious. In the Ops room it was all politics, I soon learned the enemy could change at any time and you could be sold out by the politicians in an instant.
We (South AFrican Defense Force) secretly started training the Inkahta Freedom Party (IFP) members to fight for the SADF in the townships against the ANC (African National Congress) based supporters and in August 1985 the serious township unrest exploded in and around Durban, the rest of the white population had no idea what was going on, but every single day I deciphered the situation reports (SITREPS) and counted the casualties on both sides and watched as the command officers decided how long they would sit back and let the killing continue until they sent the troops in to clean up the mess.
In the morning or the end of the day I would walk out the front gate go home and just go surfing and I never said a word to a single soul.